Part 1: How Weißwurst & Pumpernickel became more successful than they thought possible

Published on Monday, 20. September 2021

James awoke with a headache. Well, using the word awake isn't the most accurate description. He was as awake as a rusty old car with an oil leakage and a flat tire was fit to drive. The previous night had been quite long.

James was guitarist in the band "Weißwurst & Pumpernickel". A few years ago, he had left the Scottish village he had grown up in and moved to Hamburg, Germany to study sound design. He had met his band colleagues during his studies. They had bonded over the sketches of "a bit of Fry and Laurie" and their love of the absurd, and took their music as serious as their bandname suggested. The first song they wrote mainly consisted of fart sounds combined with a magnitude of guitar effects. When they had brainstormed band names, the first food-related suggestion that came up after things like "Binny and the binmen" or "Electrocuted by a toaster" was "The betrayal of the banana bread". James suggested to use Weißwurst instead, which gave them an excuse to turn up to their gigs in lederhosen. Carl, their double bass player, suggested to add pumpernickel to the name, just to make it more nonsensical. And probably because he liked Pumpernickel a lot.

On their first concert, they were the only ones in the room having fun. The only compliment a friend of James who attended the concert could find was that he admired their guts to play in front of a crowd without any musical talent. But over time, they found a way to combine their ideas into something that at least resembled something musical. They even managed to create a small following. This was more inexplicable to them than to anyone else. In the previous night they had played their biggest gig so far. Via a friend they knew from their studies, they got the chance to play during the Reeperbahn festival, a four-day festival that takes place at multiple locations all throughout Hamburg. The rest of the night was shaped by the consumption of several mind-altering substances, culminating in the worst headache James remembered having.

when he awoke, he opened his eyes. And immediately closed them again. For a while he simply lay on his bed. When he felt like his brain stopped sloshing around in his brain-pan, he got up, fought his rising dizziness and started to look for his smartphone. He found it in the pocket of the stage outfit, which he was still wearing. All it showed was a black screen; it had died sometime last night. He plugged it into the charger and went to his kitchen to find something to eat. His fridge contained some eggs and a bit of leftover curry he had cooked a few days ago. When he smelt the curry, he had to gag. In his freezer he found some fries. He preheated his oven, turned on the kettle to brew a coffee and left the kitchen to take a shower.

A few minutes later he slumped into his chair with his breakfast. Accompanying the fries he had found remoulade and fried onions in a cupboard. He took his smartphone – it had charged long enough – and started to scroll through his unread messages. Most of them were about their gig (You were great last night. Black bread rulez!). One of his bandmembers had posted a review by a jazz musician about their concert, explaining in full detail how they were the epitome of everything that was wrong with modern music. He also saw three phone calls he had missed from his brother. After that, his brother had send him a text message. "Hey James. Looks like you had a fun night. Please call me as soon as you see this. Mum has been admitted to a hospital after a cardiac arrest. She might have less than a week."

Continue to part two