A classical example of self-sabotage

Last night was unrestful. I watched Youtube until a time when I usually sleep, accompanied by a bottle of wine. I woke up twice during the night, partly dehydrated from the wine, partly simply feeling sick from it. Each time, it took over an hour for me to fall asleep again. This variation to my sleep rhythm will follow me in the next few days. Earlier this day I was so tired and hungover, that it took me almost three minutes to write the first version of these sentences. Since then I spent almost six hours watching Youtube.

Behaviour is a self-fulfilling prophecy. How you act today will decide how you feel tomorrow. Self-sabotaging is an activity that make the present more enjoyable by sacrificing the future. This is not meant as a counterargument to enjoy yourself. But, believe it or not, you can enjoy yourself without feeling shit the next day. Often, these are the more enjoyable things in the first place. Whenever I tend to self-sabotage, it's because I'm anxious about the future. I want the anxiety to stop, so I numb myself, and thereby create the circumstances I was so anxious about. I don't know why I'm doing it. It's never something that is worth it. And I still keep doing it.