Hello comfort, my old friend

The last few days I've been taking some of Neil Gaiman's writing advice literally. His writing routine is simple. Write, or do nothing. At some point, doing nothing will be so boring that you'll start writing, just to entertain yourself. Not me. I just stared at a draft for a post on my screen and didn't even touch my keyboard. I sat there, waiting for the timer I set myself to run out. I only went for tem minutes anyway. I just didn't know where to start editing. I would like to rewrite the draft from scratch, now that I know what it's about (I didn't know when I started writing it). But working in ten minute segments doesn't get me very far. It is not near enough time to get into a flow state and make any meaningful progress. I want to write more, but I'm not sleeping well, start the day by watching YT, and before I start working (too late for my taste), I squish ten minutes of writing (or at-screen staring) in. I will never finish that post like this.

I'm fighting my instict to jump into problem-solving mode. It's my default mode, and it's not very helpful in this situation. In my problem-solving mode, I'm thinking about productivity routines, and how I can optimise the rest of my life so writing becomes easier, so that I don't waste 1.5h each morning lying in bed watching YouTube. It's trying to solve problems before I even diagnosed what the problem is. If this kind of thinking would work, I wouldn't have these problems any more. But it doesn't. My entire blog is full with this type of pseudo-productivity thinking. It burned me out on writing. I don't want to write any more of these posts.

Why can't I just accept the situation and stay with it? Writing will always be hard, will always create resistance. Being dependent on an ideal system doesn't help, it's a crutch. If I'm in bed, it will always be more comfortable to keep being snuggled up under a warm blanket. But if I would call this to my mind actively, I wouldn't consider this a reason to stay in bed. I'm staying in bed, because I'm not thinking consciously about it, and just have this vague sense of discomfort. Next time, don't try to drown that sense. Stay with it. Investigate it. Once you see it for what it is, it will disappear.