The other side of fear

Sometimes, especially in dark moments, I'm looking at my life and think that I never did anything hard. That I've always been picking the path of least resistance. There is some truth to that. But at the core of this feeling lies circular reasoning. I believe I never did anything hard. It follows, that everything I did so far hasn't been hard. Because otherwise I wouldn't have done it. Looking back on everything like this ignores how things felt in the moment.

One reason that lots of my life feels like the path of least resistance is because it is. That doesn't mean I didn't do hard things. It means, however, that when I'm doing hard things, I usually have an accountability system, which makes the hard things the path of least resistance. Systems like paying my brother 300€ if I don't get up on time (a low bar, I know). If I look back at things like this, it feels easy. But I'm forgetting the months before where I struggled not to lie in bed for over two hours, just watching Youtube.

It's much more useful to define your fears instead of your goals. The last time I defined my fears was for a trip to Japan. Japan had been my dream destination for several years, but I never did anything to actually go there. Until a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. And still, there were many moments before this trip, where I panicked, wanted to crawl into bed, and looked for an excuse not to go. Fear setting helped to work through this. And the result? The best vacation I ever had.

I tried to define my fears in general. Whenever I try this, I come up with the same result. I'm afraid of change. Maybe that's just human, and our tendency to overvalue what we already have. I'm afraid of failure. Because what if I try and fail? It will shatter my identity of wanting to reach my goals. I'm afraid of success. Because what if I achieve all my goals and realise they aren't what I really wanted? Isn't it better to just stay where you are and keep dreaming instead?

A bad change might kill you, but they are rare. Also, the risks are usually in places where we don't look anyway. The riskiest part of trying improv comedy is crossing the street on the way to the theatre, but it's the part I'm least concerned about. Most changes you can recover from. And no change at all will kill your slowly. So embrace change, and define your fears. Because everything worth having is on the other side of fear.